Loyal She Began, Loyal She Remains - Signs by Wendy St. James
Taurus
I'm so glad Offerings got rid of White Crow, their former "astrologist". I mean I guess he offed himself and we mustn't speak ill of the dead but gentle Jesus on the cross those weren't even horoscopes! Just rants about shit nobody cares about like freakin' Chrystia Freeland whoever that is! I, Wendy St. James (Wendys.ca) will do no such thing! Nothing but universal truths in beautiful language about things you must care about like shitty bands! As Toronto dies a violent death and you are priced out and sold out, is it important to remember not to be boring and self-absorbed? The most boring and self-absorbed person I know is also the most healthiest. She spends most of her time looking after herself. This way she is equipped to deal with her friends lack of self-care, self-destructive behaviour, ego-trips, or whatever else is coming at her. It's not good to stay sick when you still have a choice. Nobody likes to be lied to except for the people that are still supporting the Mayors Ford and those who would prefer a fantasy than face the pain of infidelity and/or other popular modes of dishonourable conduct. You have to pick your battles. If you've eaten the city and you like the taste then you must send it back. The hardest part of love is letting go and so on. In Elliot Lake, you can rent a 3 bedroom house for $800/m and you can hear yourself think and your organs don't rattle around so much. I ate the city and barfed. I have 12 cats which I know is a lot but when you're an astrologer having 12 cats helps. If you are ever questioned about something you are speaking about, like if someone asks you, How do you know so much about X? You can simply respond, with just a hint of indignation, Because I've been studying X for 20 years. Then if you're questioned further to substantiate your claims with an example you can say, This isn't a court of law. I don't have to provide you with evidence. Some people are so much better at talking about the thing than actually doing the thing. We call these people doctors and teachers. You will find no one more arrogant, self-congratulatory and verbose than the 21st Century Philosopher for example. Look up Derrida's interview with Ornette Coleman on ubuweb.com for example. It's really hard to tell who's more insane. Any job whether Rabbi or Rum Runner is carried out via a myriad of motivations. Examine your motivation. Marlon Brando got into movies because he figured it was easiest way to make a lot of money. He said, Never confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent. And if you don't like that you can just run down Brando as a fool. Everything is true. The truth? Well, we can only break it down into things we pretend we know and carry on with a belief in objective truth else we're on the couch watching Intervention all day. There is no funny business going on with John Oswald's saxophone. It's as straight as a narrow covered bridge. He even takes it to the shop for lube jobs. So don't believe everything you hear. People enjoy their mythologies. They are there for you to enjoy also. Some things I pretend to know are that John Oswald plays the alto sax, I love my people, life begins at 40, I'm only psychotic sometimes, and a good father is someone who possess the following 12 traits:
1. He provides discipline and guidance without being an asshole
2. He let's his kid make mistakes and is gentle, supportive and not an asshole
3. He's open-minded so that if the kid turns out queer or whatever he's not an asshole
4. He teaches his kid stuff including how not to be an asshole
5. He supports and encourages his kids individuation
6. He spends time doing spontaneous, curious and fun shit with his kid
7. He leads by example so if he's got a problem the problems got a problem till it's gone
8. He's a loyal and never-ending motherfucker and speaks well of the mother
9. He challenges without being an asshole or one of those fucking asshole dad's you see at the park or the asshole rink
10. He provides a moral compass and shows it to his kid - gives it to him
11. He protects that kid at any cost including the monthly cheque or his very own life
12. He loves that kid unconditionally and forever and Amen
Look, my ex-husband left me with three kids when I was only 13 but I'm with a real man now. He's the bomb: Doesn't talk about his feelings, only hits me when I deserve it, makes piles of cash, and is awesome into hockey and Selina Gomez.You saved a junkie once? Fentanyl? Sorry, I'm being flippant. First month on the job. Just checking out the office dynamic. Totally into the intern. Abs that just don't quit! Don't be flippant. Some people don't have a flippant bone in their bodies. Imagine having no bones at all? Boneless, spineless, mindless and without guile. Just a cock and a wok. Geez I dunno. How about capital punishment? I figure it should be illegal for the state to take peoples lives anymore than they already do but it should be legal for family members to exact vengeance on those who have transgressed. Cool? Great! Have a super day! Let's get one thing straight. Nothing is created equal. It's true that things like Human Rights should be afforded equally but to say that every pharmacy, mini-van, or person it created so is a fallacy. Fellatio should not be acceptable in these days day of Arts & Science Lifestyle Techniques and Consumer Items.
Gemini
Newfoundland Oxycotin allows you to pursue a dream you only recently dismissed as unrealistic. On the 7th, an out-of-the-blue offer from an old friend could help bring you closer to your own death.
Cancer
Don't let a disappointment on the 12th deflate you. Instead of giving head, move full-speed ahead with your TED talk, even if it means changing your course to maneuver around an unexpected abortion.
Leo
Keeping your cool on the 7th could prevent a major blow-job.
Virgo
You're at the risk of being misled by someone who isn't quite who he appears to be. Keep an eye out for members of the LGBT community on the 8th, and go ahead and ask that question you're not sure you want the answer to. Rae Spoon was recently on the cover (THE COVER!) of the Globe explaining why "she", (please forgive me temporarily), prefers to be referred to as "they". I mean, ok Rae. I get it. Ok? I fucking get it but like…I don't know…Suck my clit you smug bitch!
Libra
At last! The period you've been experiencing is about to give way to a welcome yawn. A conversation on the 6th could give you in sight in to a menstruation that's had you baffled! Wow!
Scorpio
Rein in your impulsiveness on the 9th. As tempting as it may be to leap onto multiple Big Black Cocks (BBC's) you need to take your time to evaluate how much you can take on right now.
Sagittarius
Letting go of a long-held Judge could open the door to sex changing reconciliation. Take the initiative on the 10th and make a phone app that can set wheels in motion.
Aquarius
If you've suffered from bad timing lately your luck with start to change dramatically on the 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th,10th, 11th or something like that. A human waste receptacle will hasten good fortune, so start thinking positively.
Pisces
A touchy step-father could damage an important relationship if you don't keep your irritation in check on the 11th. That applies to emails and texts too - be careful not to say something you'll regret when you're in a more generous mood.
Aries
You've been avoiding a tusk. Stop it.
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