ARIES  (March 21-April 19)

All we are ever trying to do is mimic the natural world with art and technology. There is no greater High Def than the North Star on a cloudless night above an unseated reserve. There is no drug or religion that can hold a candle to the ecstasy of childbirth or selfless love. There is no public pool multimedia installation that can beat out an old growth forest. Still we try. We live in the city. We divert our eyes because we have to. If we extended the same kindness to the assholes protesting abortion outside the Catholic High School (no judgement) as we did the bus driver who let's us climb aboard shy a buck, we'd be exhausted and we'd be hypocrites. And we are despite ourselves. All of us. It is in our nature. It is nature. The hypocrisy of beauty and chaos that nature presents is a popular staple - a punchline, a trope. Every anti-abortion placard should include directions to the nearest clinic. It would be more natural. It would be more kind. God does not want 13 year old insecure, plus-sized girls to bring to term orphan children conceived in the back of Dad's red Cavalier by three nameless dicks taking turns. He wants his daughters to become less insecure and to get in shape; to stay in school and get stronger by bolstering themselves against the cruelty of men through the development of their heart and skills. Then he wants them to move out of their parents house, file some tax returns and pop out something that might have a chance at this life. I had no idea this debate was still going on but it is. I seen it. Pro-Choice is Pro-Life. It stands for beauty over chaos. We all must strive to be Pro-Life and practice wisdom in the choices we make despite the thoughts of murder, suicide and rape that come and go as we mimic the natural world. If you are 13 years old and pregnant call 416.256.4139 and tell them White Crow sent you. Go with God.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

My good friend Jim is a retard. He knows it. Against all odds he works full time at being a father and a husband. Divorced family men often brag about being good fathers but lousy husbands. They are still bent at the knees lending an ear to every careless whisper they can make out from their sex in strict compliance. And being a good husband has nothing to do with being a good provider or a good father. Compartmentalize Taurus. Being a good husband requires brass balls. I asked my friend Steve (another good husband) what he does when he's really attracted to another women. I am really attracted to another women, he replied. That was it. That's it! Thoughts/feelings/actions. I don't care if you are a good husband. My point is that it is something to be. It is a very good thing to be. It's something to be proud of. It's a good job for my friend Jim. He's good at it. He's a good husband and theres nothing wrong with that. And you? What are you good at? Do that thing.

GEMINI (June 21-July 22)

In conversation with Henri Faberge we learn that local songwriter Laura Barrett is an intellectual activist. I had no idea. I guess since the whales are beached, the nukes, rain forests and tar sands are bought and paid for, and Mohimijhad has promised to venture into outer-space before obliterating Israel, there is nothing left but to take up the cause of the intellect. As an undereducated wastecase myself I Googled up the term which seems to have something to do with how we shape and define our history and culture and stuff like that. <Significantly, for African intellectuals the cultural counterpart to African Nationalism was not ethnic identity but a pan-African one: Negritude, or African personality> You find a lot of stuff that reads like that. Or here's an excerpt of an artist statement by the married dream team of Lewis & Taggart: the artists locate humorous and poignant visual conundrums that underscore the mysteries of travel - the ways in which our movement through the natural world influences our relationship to it. They find cool shit on the road, enjoy nature, and take the plane to Sudbury 'cuz it makes more $/X sense than the bus. Intellectual activism is not what we need right now. We need to get high school kids reading Bukowski instead of Shakespeare and the band playing Wu Tang instead of Sousa. The AGO and the ROM need better names and free admission. We need to get more libraries offering books, tools, musical instruments, art supplies, food, clothing, etc. - all free of charge for those of us who blow cops or wash dishes for a living. Who pays for it? The %1. Pay up greedy guts. Wait! Is that intellectual activism? I don't think so. I think it's common sense. Some of the more discerning First Nations peoples don't enjoy hanging with the Second and Third and Fourth Nations Peoples because their ears are attenuated toward only wisdom. Wisdom can usually be delivered without a truckload of manure to help it grow. Dumb OCAD kids.

CANCER (July 23-August 22)

When you get to my age you usually have acquired a couple of secrets worth keeping. After unpacking the lies and shame inherited by your family of origin you learn to open up. You open up and you're shut down and you open up again and get shut down again but in the process you get stronger. You learn boundaries. I think the world is for the most part sickened by the secrets we keep but then one day you wake up to realize it's not the whoring or the cheating or the gay in the bum stuff at the Eaton's Centre toilets but just a couple of things - worse things that you must live with. You can't regret them because that's not living. You live with these worse things and there they are. You won't even tell your therapist because that shit can be subpoenaed. You gotta keep on trucking, secrets in tow. With an open heart you lie yourself to sleep. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. Seriously, move out man. That shit is disgusting.

LEO (August 23-September 21)

My wife-partner and I were trying to figure out if there was a woman who had ever written a decent novel besides the one hit wonder Flannery O'Conner. Nope. Not one goddamned book. Why is that? If a women can do anything a man can do but better then why can they only produce one goddamned book? Can this simply be explained away by the the multi-generational oppression of women? I went to intellectual activist Laura Barrett for the answer and this is what she said: Women were not conceptualized as artists/thinkers/persons for such a long time, that their art was institutionally impossible. I believe humans are naturally creative, and it's through the cutting off of the creative drive, the narrowing of options, that we subjugate people into a kind of living brain-death. Also, it's impossible for me to summarize or even conjecture about the collective abilities of women when there's more intra-group variety (within the set of all women) than between women and men... so... I think that when we perceive or label some deficit in a population that has been systematically oppressed, we have no option but to see the oppression as the cause. It's not like we can go back in time and conduct a controlled experiment to see what, if any, might be another reason for this state of affairs, if the premise is even correct in the first place! What is a great novel? Great novels are those which have had time to make an impact on a larger number of people; of course women haven't written as many, nor have any other disenfranchised group. In other words, yes.

VIRGO (September 22-October 23)

If you like this publication and I think there is a lot to like about it, you might want to consider getting a subscription, volunteering, or finding someone to advertise in it. It is a colossal effort to get to Port Credit and sit down with Rik Emmett at a Second Cup for an half hour interview, (like that could ever happen). Just getting the thing out, even if it was eight blank pages of newsprint, requires some douche bag with a car and a day out of his life and cash and fuel so that YOU can have it for nothing. That's okay. That's the way we want it. But we need help. In order to keep the thing going the entire volunteer staff of Offerings have made the tough decision to become sex prostitutes. Why not get paid for it, etc. Each of us are now available for sex acts for money. This is not illegal. When you hire us that will be illegal. Anyway. Don't worry about it - The world's oldest profession, etc. Go ahead and email us at sexprostitutes@offerings.com. Straight up, I'm the Millennium Falcon. I may not look like much but I've still got it where it counts. This desperate situation is a sign of the times. In Latvia, high school students are encouraged with government grants to pursue studies that will meet the demands of the labour market. You can still take a mindless BA if you want to but you'll have to pay for that shit. Much like the rest of the world Latvia has enough bohemian 25 years olds sending out unanswered cover letters from their parents basements thank you very, very much. Ever notice all those people outside the cafe window working? Learn a trade. Really. Please God, learn a trade.

LIBRA (September 22-October 23)

One makes mistakes when gripped with mental illness and addiction. Some wounds can be healed. Some lay open forever. The expression of horror never leaves the face of the victim of your raging. You can't always make amends. Sometimes it's best to not even try as to risk shoving the knife in harder. Plus these days days you can get cuffed up for just about anything. Everyday be grateful that you have kept a lid on your anger. 

SCORPIO (October 24-November 21)

I just love lists! Don't you?! Here's a partial alliterational (made that word up) list of something called Snools from lusty lady Mary Daly. This lapsed Catholic Feminist Philosopher makes Valerie Solanis look like the calm voice of reason: 

shams sneaks sniffers snitches snookers snoops snot-boys snudges snuffers studs

Which one are you Scorpio? Better figure it out. Mind your avarice! Also, mind your own business dude. You don't know me. You just think you know me. I'm White Crow. This is ain't no commercial shit! 

SAGITARIUS (November 22-December 21)

It's bad enough to actually claim you know anything at all but then to claim you know so much about so many things and then call yourself something that indicates the amount of stuff you know, well that's just plain ridiculous. I'm not saying your a moron. Clearly you can apply yourself and posses intelligence and discipline. You seem to know many things that could possibly be true. So what? What you should be doing is taking a good hard look at yourself. I mean you could stop jerking off in front of the mirror. You could stop doing that maybe. It just seems a little

anti-Socratic to be cumming in the mirror between banging out chapters of essays on the pain of privilege.

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)

I dreamt last night that my mouth was full of worms. I usually dream that I live on a sailing ship but last night worms. I'm reminded of the well-known adage my mother repeated to me in my sonic youth (latest gossip: Thurston Moore has hooked up with Katie Holmes!).There are three things that should not be missed the sped arrow, the spoken word, and the lost opportunity. She left out the past life. She doesn't believe in it I don't think. Church of England you know. Buddhism is a good place for high achievers. If you can't get your novel published theres always next time. Anyway, in the dream I'm at a party in the country with a mouth full of worms and I'm trying to be polite because the worms came from an old thermos of coffee I was handed by my host. I acted as if the mouthful of worms was no big deal, like it happens all the time. Well, it does happen all the time! An acquaintance of mine once advised me to think about what I was about to say five times before deciding whether or not to say it aloud. Five times creates a lot of awkward dead air but some of us need that many kicks at the can to keep our mouths from filling with worms.

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)

Remember hot waterbeds? You should. You're in one right now. If you're self-employed you spend a lot of time looking for work and chasing after money. Working a straight job allows you to pass those responsibilities on to someone else so you can just do your work and go home. Fascinating eh? I figured that out all by myself. So if time is money and money is power, and power is energy, and energy is the only thing that exists, and you've only got one life to live than spend your time in service. A life in service. Who and what will you serve? Decide today in a sweeping general sense and then just try to make some money to keep the phone on and the Sheriff off. The hard part of life is choosing to live. It's all uphill from there.

PISCES (February 19-March 20)

Oh man. You use people. You use people. You use people. Stop using people. Stop using people. Start helping people. Who are you're people? Think long and hard about that. Long and hard. The majority of white people I know who are intimately involved with the Yoga lifestyle are curiously those who need it the most. They are the ones who struggle terribly with attachment, desire, selfishness, pride, greed, entitlement, regret and bitterness, so they shave their heads, or act out, or assume the position of the wounded healer. Any kind of extreme behaviour is a marked aspect of psychopathology. I should know. Downward dog indeed.

Keep those letters coming: forgivewhitecrow@gmail.com