SIGNS: British Steel, Red
Flag, White Crow, Black Cloud

1.Your parents:
Everything was her fault.
He was disabled and it wasn't couldn't be his fault anymore than if had had diabetes or
a melanoma.
She dressed with clothes that fit her slender frame and she was kind to strangers.
She had a dog and got along with everyone but she victimized the disabled; her love so
true so hard to bare.
He knew he loved her and she loved him.
He was disabled by a low self-esteem that hovered just below an obsession with his low
self-esteem.
Petty grievances with everything; resentments of others successes; jealousy; the
feeling of being constantly misunderstood, wronged or injured; wanting to serve but
knowing how or whom; attached to how things should have gone and should be and if if if
but but but.
His failures were piling up around him and he had by now gotten used to eviction and
locked steel doors.
He was not a bad person but did not know how to live.
He took two pills in the morning and two at night.
She liked poetry so he tried to write poems.

2.The heart is where the pain lives
Infidel

Child of God

What are your reasons for living?
Oh Holy Host of Apostates
You need only one

You used to trust the world

Now you're strapped to a tree. Your dreams are darkness

Your body weak

Where will you find strength?
Where will you find peace?
Where love?
The heart is where the pain lives
Use something anything else

3.Powerless over your atheism you look for a father at each and every lunch counter. You've learned to flirt like your sister used to flirt. You know how to
make them laugh. You're a lover of fathers at lunch counters. You

remember how he taught you checkmate in three moves. Eros/Thanatos. All those desperate
abortive blow jobs you endured. My heavens, where were you? The Whitecoats sing: I'd be
depressed too!

4.You were arrested one time on an island and taken by boat to the shore. You abused

the rights of others and they are rightfully unhappy. You earned the handcuffs. The

amends will take years to sort out. Give up the struggle of addiction. And the idea

that mental illness and the abuses of your youth and post can be cured with books or
the silver tongue. I cannot abide the misery of lying about your faith to get tenure at

the Christian College so to trade in ethics for money. My child says, Life's too short
for secrets Dad, and so I ask, Why would I ever send him to you?

5jazz so depressing.

Horoscopes not even horoscopes.
send it to your "management"
Who are you kidding?
Dishing your own mythology walking like crystal meth walks.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: It's those advertising soul that can't find
it anywhere.

Don't bother with India.
The Ganges is the sewer at your feet; start there.

6.After all these years, the best descriptions of mental illness still belong to Oliver
Sacks and William Styron.
Nobody wants to go to the hospital.
Nobody wants to take medication.

7.write a sonnet to your knees
to the threading in what's left

breath like i showed you
let the blacks out from those places
you've spent all these nights alone
forgive yourself your childhood
your selves
let it all be adrift
cancel this cancer

8.You are not one of the two million Chinese migrant workers who get to see their kids
once a year only to watch them make the same stupid mistakes they did.

You are not the Bangladeshi chambermaid who ends up in

jail in fucking Abu Dhabi for sending a hotel towel back

home with her crisis of a wage.

You are not serving 10 years in an Atlanta prison in for making a stupid desperate
mistake.You are none of these things.
A beautiful young woman fixed you dinner last night
The kids are going to college

9.10
10.11 11.12
12.13

Loyal She Began, Loyal She Remains - Signs by Wendy St. James

Taurus

I'm so glad Offerings got rid of White Crow, their former "astrologist". I mean I guess he offed himself and we mustn't speak ill of the dead but gentle Jesus on the cross those weren't even horoscopes! Just rants about shit nobody cares about like freakin' Chrystia Freeland whoever that is! I, Wendy St. James (Wendys.ca) will do no such thing! Nothing but universal truths in beautiful language about things you must care about like shitty bands! As Toronto dies a violent death and you are priced out and sold out, is it important to remember not to be boring and self-absorbed? The most boring and self-absorbed person I know is also the most healthiest. She spends most of her time looking after herself. This way she is equipped to deal with her friends lack of self-care, self-destructive behaviour, ego-trips, or whatever else is coming at her. It's not good to stay sick when you still have a choice. Nobody likes to be lied to except for the people that are still supporting the Mayors Ford and those who would prefer a fantasy than face the pain of infidelity and/or other popular modes of dishonourable conduct. You have to pick your battles. If you've eaten the city and you like the taste then you must send it back. The hardest part of love is letting go and so on. In Elliot Lake, you can rent a 3 bedroom house for $800/m and you can hear yourself think and your organs don't rattle around so much. I ate the city and barfed. I have 12 cats which I know is a lot but when you're an astrologer having 12 cats helps. If you are ever questioned about something you are speaking about, like if someone asks you, How do you know so much about X? You can simply respond, with just a hint of indignation, Because I've been studying X for 20 years. Then if you're questioned further to substantiate your claims with an example you can say, This isn't a court of law. I don't have to provide you with evidence. Some people are so much better at talking about the thing than actually doing the thing. We call these people doctors and teachers. You will find no one more arrogant, self-congratulatory and verbose than the 21st Century Philosopher for example. Look up Derrida's interview with Ornette Coleman on ubuweb.com for example. It's really hard to tell who's more insane. Any job whether Rabbi or Rum Runner is carried out via a myriad of motivations. Examine your motivation. Marlon Brando got into movies because he figured it was easiest way to make a lot of money. He said, Never confuse the size of your paycheck with the size of your talent. And if you don't like that you can just run down Brando as a fool. Everything is true. The truth? Well, we can only break it down into things we pretend we know and carry on with a belief in objective truth else we're on the couch watching Intervention all day. There is no funny business going on with John Oswald's saxophone. It's as straight as a narrow covered bridge. He even takes it to the shop for lube jobs. So don't believe everything you hear. People enjoy their mythologies. They are there for you to enjoy also. Some things I pretend to know are that John Oswald plays the alto sax, I love my people, life begins at 40, I'm only psychotic sometimes, and a good father is someone who possess the following 12 traits:

1. He provides discipline and guidance without being an asshole

2. He let's his kid make mistakes and is gentle, supportive and not an asshole

3. He's open-minded so that if the kid turns out queer or whatever he's not an asshole

4. He teaches his kid stuff including how not to be an asshole

5. He supports and encourages his kids individuation

6. He spends time doing spontaneous, curious and fun shit with his kid

7. He leads by example so if he's got a problem the problems got a problem till it's gone

8. He's a loyal and never-ending motherfucker and speaks well of the mother 

9. He challenges without being an asshole or one of those fucking asshole dad's you see at the park or the asshole rink 

10. He provides a moral compass and shows it to his kid - gives it to him

11. He protects that kid at any cost including the monthly cheque or his very own life

12. He loves that kid unconditionally and forever and Amen

Look, my ex-husband left me with three kids when I was only 13 but I'm with a real man now. He's the bomb: Doesn't talk about his feelings, only hits me when I deserve it, makes piles of cash, and is awesome into hockey and Selina Gomez.You saved a junkie once? Fentanyl? Sorry, I'm being flippant. First month on the job. Just checking out the office dynamic. Totally into the intern. Abs that just don't quit! Don't be flippant. Some people don't have a flippant bone in their bodies. Imagine having no bones at all? Boneless, spineless, mindless and without guile. Just a cock and a wok. Geez I dunno. How about capital punishment? I figure it should be illegal for the state to take peoples lives anymore than they already do but it should be legal for family members to exact vengeance on those who have transgressed. Cool? Great! Have a super day! Let's get one thing straight. Nothing is created equal. It's true that things like Human Rights should be afforded equally but to say that every pharmacy, mini-van, or person it created so is a fallacy. Fellatio should not be acceptable in these days day of Arts & Science Lifestyle Techniques and Consumer Items. 

Gemini

Newfoundland Oxycotin allows you to pursue a dream you only recently dismissed as unrealistic. On the 7th, an out-of-the-blue offer from an old friend could help bring you closer to your own death.

Cancer

Don't let a disappointment on the 12th deflate you. Instead of giving head, move full-speed ahead with your TED talk, even if it means changing your course to maneuver around an unexpected abortion.

Leo

Keeping your cool on the 7th could prevent a major blow-job. 

Virgo

You're at the risk of being misled by someone who isn't quite who he appears to be. Keep an eye out for members of the LGBT community on the 8th, and go ahead and ask that question you're not sure you want the answer to. Rae Spoon was recently on the cover (THE COVER!) of the Globe explaining why "she", (please forgive me temporarily), prefers to be referred to as "they". I mean, ok Rae. I get it. Ok? I fucking get it but like…I don't know…Suck my clit you smug bitch! 

Libra

At last! The period you've been experiencing is about to give way to a welcome yawn. A conversation on the 6th could give you in sight in to a menstruation that's had you baffled! Wow!

Scorpio

Rein in your impulsiveness on the 9th. As tempting as it may be to leap onto multiple Big Black Cocks (BBC's) you need to take your time to evaluate how much you can take on right now.

Sagittarius

Letting go of a long-held Judge could open the door to sex changing reconciliation. Take the initiative on the 10th and make a phone app that can set wheels in motion.

Aquarius

If you've suffered from bad timing lately your luck with start to change dramatically on the 6th, 7th, 8th, 9th,10th, 11th or something like that. A human waste receptacle will hasten good fortune, so start thinking positively.

Pisces 

A touchy step-father could damage an important relationship if you don't keep your irritation in check on the 11th. That applies to emails and texts too - be careful not to say something you'll regret when you're in a more generous mood.

Aries

You've been avoiding a tusk. Stop it.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS 

WORLD SERVICES, INC.

Box 459, Grand Central Station

New York, NY 10163

Chance Operations by Caribbean Queen 

the healthy choice!

●  

The declaration of a National Aboriginal Holocaust Remembrance Day as a statutory holiday.

After recently doing some stunt work for filmmaker Cabot McNenly I got to thinking and spoke with Steve Wilsher, the Senior Stunt co-ordinator at Havoc Stunt Services International. He was very helpful in advising me on how to get into this line and offered information on his training workshop. You need sword play and martial arts and ACTRA. There is non-union work out there for those of you who are willing to roll the dice but it's not recommended. Sadly, jumping off buildings and crashing cars into walls is largely the domain of senior stunt co-ordinators whilst guys just starting out can only look on with longing. There are only three airbags for rent in Toronto. Those are the things you jump onto. Only three. So if you're looking to start your own business you may want to think about getting into the airbag supply trade. An investment upfront, a G-class, and a call to Havoc and you're off and running. Fighting is a stuntman's bread and butter. Of course the pen is mightier than the sword. 

●●  

The creation of Aboriginal Holocaust Museums, and memorial monuments inscribed with the names of the dead, on the site of former residential schools,

I believe in Capitalism. I believe in Globalization…the bailouts were completely essential. -Chrystia Freeland 

Rhode Scholar and Managing Director and Editor of Consumer News, ("Modern economics considers consumption to be the sole end and purpose of all economic activity." - 'Fritz' Schumacher), at Reuters which is now owned by 3rd Baron of Fleet David Thomson, (who's company reported a revenue of $6.641 billion last year), was recently awarded the $15.000 Lionel Gelber Book prize for her book Plutocrats (ploutos meaning "wealth" and kratos meaning "power, dominion, rule", and these days used to describe wealthy individuals and organizations which can exert influence over the political arena like fellow writer who has nothing-to-do-with-plutocracy-whatsoever Michael Ignatieff who won the same award in 1995 for his Journeys Into the New Nationalism before he tried to become President of Canada). Plutocrats was published by Penguin which is owned by Pearson (one of the 100 multinational companies listed on the LSE holding highest the market capitalization. In 2012, their revenue was a reported £5.059 billion.) The chairman of Pearson is Glen Moreno who is also Senior Independent Director of Lloyds Banking Group which reported a revenue of £23.535 billion in 2011. Pearson is also in the education business owning Edexcel which is the only large examination board to be held in private hands. As a part of Pearson, (a private publisher), Edexcel produces qualifications which link to Pearson texts. It's change from a charity to a profit-making company has led to some raised eyebrows and calls into question conflict of interest. In Freelands book, winning in it's "immediacy and authority", Ignatieff, Thomson, Moreno receive nary a mention. 

Monsanto (with a 2012 revenue of USD11,822 billion)  isn't in the book either. Freeland's father is a Farmer, Defence Attorney turned Real Estate Lawyer, and a paying client of the Agribusiness giant Monsanto (makers of Agent Orange which killed an estimated 400 000 people in Vietnam and Laos and left 500 000 children born with birth defects; oh, and they made DDT also.) Although often touted by his daughter Chrystia, (in the FT, The Atlantic and elsewhere), as a model of the New Farmer he in fact is part of the war against sound food growing. Monsanto is patenting away our fruits and vegetables, forcing growers to pay up or risk litigation. In the old days, farmers could choose which seeds they’d use without worrying about getting sued for violating intellectual property rights. But these days, companies buy patents on conventional plants and force farmers to pay exorbitant royalty fees. Monsanto claims that "patents drive innovation" whilst creating a monopoly of our food encouraging agribusiness in lieu of traditional small scale farming practices. We could protect our food, farmers, and planet from corporate control by lobbying for a regulatory change and it's up to us to make it happen. It's also up to farmers. Freeland Farms made a million bucks last year. They claim, "it can't be done any other way", but it's the same old profit over people. In India, the situation is so dire that one cotton area has been called ‘the suicide belt’, as tens of thousands of the poorest farmers have taken their lives to escape crippling debt.  My brother's small organic farm, well under the radar of Monsanto, doesn't do as well as Freeland Farms and other Monsanto clients. They get by. Greed puts us all at risk. Small is beautiful: Economics As If People Mattered. That's another book.

●●● 

The convening of an International War Crimes Tribunal into Genocide in Canada.

Dear CQ,

I recently tried to wade into the seedy world of my wife's family dynamic in order to try to make sense of it and received this from my childless brother-in-law: "I think you're being a bit dramatic about your place, or lack thereof, in my family. It's not an easy family to have and I can't imagine why anyone not born into it would seek admission. Your daughter is one of the most important people in my life and I love her more than anything, so it I'd really like to be on good terms with you - her father". It seems like he both misunderstands and refuses my "admission into his family", (legalized when I married his sister), whilst presuming and demanding admission into mine via my daughter. Who does this motherfucker think he is? What do you do with people who have an amoral line-of-credit view of their own families but want a piece of the real thing - a pound of flesh - of yours? Thanks and keep up the good work, J.B (Port Hope, ON)

Tough question and thanks J.B. - seldom an encouraging word here at the office. Although I've never experienced this myself and would need a few more details to make any real heads or tails out of your predicament, I would recommend that you focus on you and your daughter's needs and just be the bigger person. Find a healthy medium for your rage. As for the rest of 'em, fuck 'em. Fuck every last one of them. The truth will out and your brother-in-law will grow up and learn what's what. So will your daughter.

●●●●  

The immediate surrendering to this Tribunal of all persons who have or are presently engaged in acts of Genocide, violence and abuse of native people, including but not 

restricted to acts of pedophilia, child prostitution and pornography, rape, murder, torture, kidnapping, forced labour, theft of traditional native lands and resources, ethnic cleansing, sexual sterilization, medical experimentation, and any form of assault, impoverishment, segregation, discrimination or coercion designed to eradicate indigenous peoples and their way of life.

In The United States of Onscario, almost half a million people are on welfare and nearly half a million are on disability. There is a %5 increase every year of people moving into ODSP mostly with mental health issues. Most of them live in Toronto. This seems like a sound reaction to living in an increasing fucked up place governed by possibly the shittiest mayor ever known to hold office ever, anywhere. Kimberly Rogers, a Sudbury woman who had been convicted of welfare fraud, died in her apartment while under house arrest in 2001. Her death was ruled a suicide. A subsequent inquest did not assign blame to the government for the woman's death, but recommended that lifetime bans for fraud be eliminated, and that adequate food, housing and medication be provided to anyone under house arrest. In 1995 Mike Harris made a public statement that, "all ODSP recipients are lazy drug addicts and alcoholics", but later had to retract his statement. To help curb spending, it was turncoat Bob Rae who froze social assistance rates, the first “no-increase year’ since 1978. In geology, maturity refers to a stage in the development of streams or landscapes at which maximum development has been reached or at which the process of erosion is going on with maximum vigour. Maturity of a landscape continues until about three fourths of the original mass is carried away by erosion. So we're talking probably around 60 years old dudes. No hard feelings. You just keep doing your laundry at your parent's house. No harm in it. Dumb Lakawaka.

●  ●

  ●

●  ●  

The immediate revoking of the charitable, tax-free status of the Catholic, Anglican, Presbyterian and United Churches, and the collection of all back taxes owed.

Marvin Gaye was almost right. About one fifth of the population are highly sensitive people. An HSP is a person having the innate trait of high sensory processing sensitivity processing sensory data much more deeply and thoroughly due to a biological difference in their nervous systems. In the past this has often been confused with innate shyness, social anxiety problems, inhibitedness, social phobia and innate fearfulness and introversion.The trait is measured using the HSP Scale, which has been demonstrated to have both internal and external validity. Although the term is primarily used to describe humans, something similar to the trait is present in over 100 other species. Bill Stunt of the CBC once explained to me the four stages of a jazz musician's life but I don't think it's genre-specific:

i. invention

ii. addiction

iii. incarceration

iv. submission

 الإسلام Don't bore us, get to the chorus. A man's religion for a man's world. As-salam alaykum.

●●●

●●● 

The immediate and unconditional surrendering without compensation of all aboriginal lands, cultural artifacts, and derived revenues held by these churches.

In the summer of 1847, 863 Irish immigrants died of typhus in the fever sheds erected by the Toronto Board of Health at the northwest corner of King and John. There were at least 12 sheds, 22 metres long by 7.5 metres wide. Please send body/face pics, stats and interests. Emails without pics will be ignored.

endgame: 

The immediate disbanding of the RCMP and Aboriginal Affairs and Northern Development Canada.

Walter Benjamin identified the "bungled reception of technology" as the crucial problem of 20th century industrial modernity. For him, the first sign of this failure was the repeated attempts to overcome the fact that technology speeds up the process of turning the objects it produces into commodities and, eventually, does the same to the wage labourers who produce them, alienating people from themselves and the fruit of their labourite. The speed of printing machines and the capacities of apparatuses for reduplicating words and writing outstrip human needs. The energies which technology develops beyond this threshold are destructive. Instead of accumulating experiences or wisdom, inhabitants of such a society spend all their time filtering a constant rain of disconnected jolts of information and reacting distractedly to a rapidly changing social structure.  from Lesabendio by Paul Scheerbart

email: caribbeanqueen@gmail.com

or write:

Jian Ghomeshi

CBC Radio

P.O. Box 500 Station A

Toronto, ON

Canada, M5W 1E6

Seriously, Canada Post is in trouble. I like Canada Post 

-good funders. Send a postcard why don't you?

I know a guy who has put in most of a lifetime doing mindless work 40 hours a week at one of North America's last car manufacturers so as to support his three kids and wife who has late stage Amyotrophic Lateral Sclerosis (Lou Gehrig's/Stephen Hawking's disease). And he's al-right! So before you start clicking away in contempt over this or that trivial bullshit consider this man's situation and your own and put on a happy face. A life in service. A life in service. No judgement. The other day I asked a guy if he was Muslim and he was offended. ?!

"I have no doubt that Hugo Chavez will return alongside Jesus Christ and Mahdi to establish peace and justice in the world."

-Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (President of Iran/Dad)

Spiritus ad Spiritum

Didimoi

Let's dip into to the malebag. Thanks to jefq239@yahoo.com for the email printed here as requested:  Hey White Crow! It's cool that your into God and shit like that. I switched to Bing since Google thinks Christ is less important that Cesar Chavez.You're the bass player in Chad's band right? Simon or whatever? Hey, check out QueenJamesBible.com. Straight acting/straight looking. Meet at the pews 9:00 a.m Sunday? Poppers/420 friendly. When judgement comes up summon your love and say hello. Spill your guts to Tenderness. 

Ophiuchus

  = 5 / 5 

Swan Lakes

My shit ain't private! fuck that shit is public domain got a finger on the 6th step no one else to blame no gold chain psychosis diagnoses Moses Znaimer silver spoon full-grown kids for hire parents buying' primer makin' payments on lido deck condo head-shop launch your onslaught wheelchair cab fare what do you care?! Out there everywhere all the daytime/nightime relief pissed so listless no wishlist eatin' gristle hand-release us no violence bills I pay on time in silence droppin' guzzler shit is nasty passed that page passed forty got no license ride one gear bike blood-red like my ex-wife's dyke Northern Pike on the mic speaking volumes walkin' mastiff college learnin' ain't street dead meat collecting interest save my junior lifevest investment keep steaks in the freezer buy books by the litre get impatient makin' paper shaken' hands in Monsanto's lair with the General's Daughter doing lines with Mayor Man's eyes like Uncle Sam Bam! I caught ya! I own ya' eww I oughta'! but I did that I fucked up you step to me and I'll school you tough like that. Try it. I'll drop you like vomit, April Easter bonnet, Wendy and Lisa Bonet mulatto threeway never mind the freeway taking the side streets the alleys the schoolyard frontyard smoking Belmonts like a retard missing his mouthguard movin' slowly through my thoughts like wildfire childcare payments oh my laments…Pied Piper leadin' you astray with soft-skill star-reading ball-bearing bail-hearing croc-wearing no swearing keep it clean Bill Cosby sweater getting better  medication daydream nation state of the union reunion of Gateway Trio banging a Leo with my ego offended acting defensive I step out an agency flagrant vagrancy plagiarizing Mayhem, La Boheme, best of Lee Harvey, Oswald Plunderphonics, massive attack on the libido. What do you know?! Ain't nuthin'! You less than nuthin' A ZERO, A weirdo, Mighty Popo, 5-0 Coldplay O'l Yella get with that ጌታቸው መኩሪያ  fella', take communion Ethiopian Xanax join the union file under White Crow trial by fire callin' me a liar?! I'm dire straight checkmate I get you in a corner like a bird on a wire gate forget it you don't matter I'm busy movin' on up the step ladder prize fighter shine so bright I got to flare up no makeup I'll catch you on the flip flop Jesse Zubot, Mocky's gay robot shoutin' you can't buy me I represent up in this G.T.A-Dot. 647 y'all. Word.

Captain Kangaroo

I guess that at this point, simply believing or even suspecting that at the bottom of it all lies class struggle, qualifies you as a Marky Marxist. There are plenty who don't. I think this when I look at most of these modern art manifestos. 

1. The super powerful "He-Man" name as a male action figure that instantly communicates exceptionally great physical strength, size, and power.

2. The highly generic / open-ended "He-Man" name as a male action figure that enables the He-Man male action line to accept practically any theme, time period, degree of technology, situation, etc., and combine them all into one highly generic and versatile line.

3. The immensely physically powerful and massive He-Man physique with the 2 - to - 1 body proportion. This means that the He-Man figure is 2 times as tall as he is wide across the shoulders.

4. The battle action stance. This is unlike the relaxed, static poses, or distorted positions found in other competitive action figures of the time.

Factors of production: Natural resources, human resources, entrepreneurism, capital. 

Hundreds of thousands of refugees have poured into Jordan during the past two years. 

Last month I moved to an Island to see how long I could live off Hemp Protein Powder, Instant Coffee and Webern.

5. The battle action waist. This spring-loaded feature enables He-Man to power punch and throw weapons and other objects - such as small, puny Star Wars and G. I. Joe figures.

6. Much ripped, bare muscular flesh showing.

7. The figure's ability to have attached and hold outfit parts, weapons, and other accessories.

8. The battle action open-mouthed facial grimace expression.

9. The He-Man Trio figures showed that the He-Man / Masters of the Universe line's figure configurations could be basically simple to design and manufacture - yet still be highly appealing.

How is it that they are so consistently ambivalent to the problem? Where does the orphaned illiterate burn victim with Downs syndrome living on the cheque in an Etobicoke group home watching Family Guy doing his best to enjoy art as he knows it fit into the cowardice of irony? I look at Miranda July and I look in the mirror and I look back at Miranda and I hold out my hand. Spare some change? Artist Heather Goodchild and philosopher John Russon both try to circumvent this problem by focussing on the 'jeans and t-shirt' minutiae of everyday life. Of course if you're nailed to a cross, flipping burgers, or sewing Gucci knockoffs in  "everyday life" looks a little different than if you're running around in Italian shoes collecting Air MilesTM. The Old Don Jail is one of Toronto’s greatest hidden treasures. Built before Confederation, it was the largest prison of its kind built in North America - from the City Of Toronto's website. This despite the  fact that the Judge ruled that the prison failed to meet the Standard Minimum Rules for the Treatment of Prisoners set by the U.N. Before capital punishment was abolished in Canada in the 60's, the Don hanged men on an outdoor scaffold in the yard and then later, in a converted washroom.  Either way - a real hidden treasure. Just before Christmas in 2005 under G.W., Nobel Peace Prize Winner for (Children's) Literature and convicted murderer Stanley "Tookie" Williams, (father of Stanley "Little Tookie" Williams who did a 16 year stretch), was executed by lethal injection. Ain't that some Ol' Skool New Sincerity Republican Mandatory Minimum Sentence Compassionation! It would be "funny as hell" if they executed every Nobel Peace Prize Winner for Literature. Funny to me, the gimp and William Faulkner. Strachan House is a kind of hell inside a hell. A shelter for the chronically homeless. You should visit! Door's always open. Another hidden treasure. 

Blondes 

When we dismantle Olympus we turn God's into symptoms. All things in moderation including free will. You were born far from home and didn't know how to live. You tried the academy, the band van, the shrinks couch, the barstool, the oil field, the crackhouse, the gurney and the cell. You got older and found some people to talk to who held the answers you needed to learn how to live right. Now you know. Now you know how to live right. The great thing about getting a teacher or a life coach is that you can hand some decision making over to them. If you've chosen correctly than it is a good practice to do exactly what they say until or unless it feels wrong in your heart and head. Then it's time to start asking questions or to move on completely. Recently my flaxen haired bleeder assigned herself a life coach who in no short order instructed her to leave me. She did. Smart girl. Good choice. Composing is the job of assigning people engaging tasks suited to their abilities and your goals. If the goals of the composer and the performer are shared all the better the end result. So choose your people, tasks and goals wisely. www.musictheory.net/calculators/matrix. Ralph Klein died. The 2012 Arab Spring began in Tunisia, with the self-immolation (setting yourself on fire) of a vegetable seller named Mohammed Bouazizi. One grows up into there politics honestly informed by the course of there choices.

Aigokeros                                                      <          >

Karkinos 

If I were to dress up as a Wizard, purchase a gun from a unscrupulous cop (happens all the time - all guns start out legal somewhere), climb to the roof of Honest Ed's, and let loose on passer-by's screaming, "I love you Vengeful, Ski Goddess Skaði!", you would have no problem, (with this Wizard anyway), describing such behaviour as psychotic. Similarly, if you were to say something to someone and that person sighed, rolled their eyes and shook there head, then when asked if something was wrong replied, No, defensively, this also has a name. You know what it is so I won't waste any more of your time than I already do. Don't do that shit man. Passive aggressive behaviour is boring and ineffective and a total drag. Say what you gotta say. Say what you mean. Mean what you say and move on. Next selection. That's it. People need to learn a thing or two about disability. Some people already know this and so have enrolled in Disability Studies at the Coliseums. Here are a few things to know, (and this is straight from Wikipedia so, you know, it ain't no Lost Covenant or nuthin'): A disability may be physical, cognitive, mental, sensory, emotional, developmental or some combination of these. And then you say, well then you say, Well I guess everybody has a disability? and that's not a bad question. But the thing is, the thing is: Severity of Symptoms. Remember that phrase. Save our ship, save our souls, send out succour. There ain't nothing abnormal about the winter blahs unless you're getting into a wizard costume, looking for a gun and salivating at strangers whilst climbing the Mirvish's fire escape ready to go out hard. Got it? Good.

Matt Shipp

How can one claim to not believe in modalities of social, revolutionary, intellectual, spiritual practices, particularly while interviewing a practitioner of revolutionary devotional improvisational music in an article written for a volunteer-run community music paper? M.S.: "Substance abuse is a vicious thing that has most likely impacted every ones life on some level. For myself, I had an incident as a teenager - a long talk with a famous jazz musician and in the course of the conversation he told me that when I became an adult and got on the road as a professional I would be fucked up on drugs like he was fucked up on drugs. Right then and there I decided never to become a drug addict, however I was a very heavy drinker on and up until 1999. I have not had a drink since then. As far as drugs go, very few people can take what they learn from drugs and apply that to there art. William Burroughs comes to mind as someone who did and to an extant Aldous Huxley. Charlie Parker (who also happened to be a drug addict) was an inspired poet at what he did, but I am convinced that the drugs in no way spurred his creativity. Of course how would I know? All I know is that people who tried to follow his example basically ended in a wasteland of sorts. I have had numerous family members who have been strung out on various things and I have yet to see the good side of it at all. I would say abuse of anything is bad—not just substance abuse. In my 52 years on the planet, equilibrium and moderation seems to be the healthy way to go." A life in service.

Ihtheis 

Oil of Oregano: a good stiff drink. Not just for hippies anymore. Antioxidants protect your body’s cells from damage that happens naturally as you age. It can also happen when you are exposed to things like pollution or cigarette smoke. Cell damage can lead to common diseases like heart disease and diabetes. I am the worthless piece of shit around which the whole world revolves. Been there? There? There, there. Keep your pecker up. It's only life. It's only weather. It's only love. It's only once. It's only twice. It's only three times a lady. Why hurt yourself doing the things you love unless it is pain itself that you love? Sadomasacism is old as the gold in them hills. Between me and chaos stand three doors and I lock them all. It was the thick or thing bit and the sickness and in health. No judgement.

Methodist/You in the back

The womanizing yogic man-child; the apologia of the Southern churches; the hostility of Plato; Nancy Reagan driving tank shotgun into Compton. History teach us something. There are 78 organs found in the human body including your asshole. The work at hand is the work to do. Sounds like a loop but it's not a loop. Un loup. Nik Beeson. 

Absolutely nothing is a waste of time.

forgivemewhitecrow@gmail.com

VENOMOUS ANIMALS 

ee cummings: "While a genuine lecturer must obey the rules of mental decency, and clothe his personal idiosyncrasies in collectively acceptable generalities, an authentic ignoramus remains indecently free to speak as he feels. This prospect cheers me because I value freedom; and have never expected freedom to be anything less than indecent."

ARIES (March 21 - April 19th): Admit your life has become unmanageable.

I like to be strapped and I like to kill. I do that on my brothers 300 acre farm and we eat that shit organic and leave the entrails to the coyotes. The best argument for strict gun control is that armed with a driver's licence and 70 bucks I likely would have wasted you by now. Take it easy, they tell me. My goodness I simply cannot abide the hippies. You take it easy motherfucker! Step back! And then the best advice I ever got from the most unlikely source, Take it any way you can. If you're struggling with one of the 12 steps or keeping your wiener out of Dropbox don't kill yourself because you're having trouble taking it easy. Clearly taking it easy isn't for everyone so take it any way you can. Sometimes the douchebag - buddy at the party nobody invited who drinks all the booze and then shits on the rug - says one thing before taking his leave that cuts right through the bullshit platitudes and waves of understanding and compassion and shared experience everyone is falling over themselves to, well, share. No judgment folks. No judgement save the judgment you need. If the light is red, STOP. Fucking stop. Put your hands up. Do the Pump. There is a %3 success rate in recovering from addiction. How you like 'dem apples?

TAURUS (April 20 - May 20): Believe that a power greater than yourself can restore your sanity.

Although primarily an astrologist, like most insane people who claim supernatural powers, I like to dabble in music. My musical genius is a little known fact. My pal Germ challenged me to compose a piece of music superior to the overblown yawn of The Rite of Spring to prove it. I said, go get some smokes and it'll be done by the time you're back. I got as far as: The accompaniment has been written out as a simple suggestion of the style. It's most appropriate for the pianist to improvise in a gentle Latin style. You know. That's all I could think of. Fucking Andy Von Wagner over here. I panicked: What would John Oswald do?! Change all the pitches to C?!! Anyway, I failed. I'm a fraud. A nothing. I'm not special. I'm just like you but I found a C3PO mask in Portage La Prairie where you've never been because you've never bothered with this country. You're interested in America or Europe or grad school. Norman Wexler: "You can't fuck the future. The future will fuck you. You want a dream girl? Go to sleep and have a nightmare. I like that polyester look". I'm looking for the crossbow of pussy. I don't know what it is about these people from Vancouver and their sense of entitlement or insecurity or whatever it is that makes them feel special. Maybe it's the fucking mountains. Like they give a shit about the new vegan-beatz-laundro-bowl-knitting-bookclub-psyche-folk-all-ages penny arcade on Commercial Drive. Must be the bud. Dumb ECUAD kids. 

GEMINI (May 21 - June 20): Make a decision to turn your will and your life in servicing your self-care.

I am forgiveness, claims EuroRobocop Erkhart Tolle. Sure, me too. I am forgiveness and I am unforgiveness. It's both. Whilst remaining unforgiven even to one person, (a nameless board member at the Tranzac for instance), one can taste the sour milk of a grudge held tight. Stand tall amidst these judgements. Do your stretches. Go down the daily list of self-care: brush you teeth, do your affirmations, practice mindfulness, etc. I'm writing this in the middle of a relapse which will take me to the hell I think I deserve for no other reason than that I exist. I will lose my job, my family and what's left of my reputation but I need to occasionally retrace my steps to the gutter. Oh yeah, I say to whomever is listening nervously, here it is. Right where I left it. A life in service or a life in servitude. It's up to you. Satan's chimp, who split from our DNA back before our schizophrenic hippy friend was born in a barn in נָצְרַת - the Arab capitol of Israel - to a carpenter and a stage mom, is always there ready on our shoulder for a feeding. Before Glenn Gould, Geoff Berner and Justin Trudeau, there was Yahweh. Give 'em all a break: causalities of Stage Moms. Is there anything actually infinite besides the concept of infinity? Are there infinite ways to interpret four bars of Giant Steps? Are there? Can anyone tell me?

CANCER  (June 21 - June 20): Make a searching and fearless moral inventory of yourself.

The stars never lie but they don't say much either. It's just a coincidence that the father figures in my life are all Cancers. It's a sick joke is all. You get off the train platform and there are cops everywhere. You know you're back. You're overwhelmed with the amount of digital procedures you must complete in a day. In what's left of your brain roles around a labyrinth of pin numbers, passwords, user names, files to be loaded up or down, compressed, posted, altered in some way - converted. You go to the country and now you're in car culture where a 45 minute walk after dark marks you as a tourist or someone still looking for home. The broken family can be a stick in the mud. It can keep you stuck where you don't want to be. What's best for the kids, where can you find work, etc. Why is your work so important? Does it pay well and afford you the double garage/hot-tub life? Does it help you cope with mental illness as it fully engages you and works as meditation? (It's the only time I can truly concentrate, says British patchcord enthusiast Keith Rowe). Or is it your ego telling you the reason you can't move to the Styx and drive truck is because your work is somehow "important". You work with "youth at risk", or in "harm-reduction", or at an "NGO" heading to Nigeria in the spring. Of course we're all grateful to the garbage collectors and we wave to them with thanks. Thank yu', luv yu' wouldn't want to be yu'. But could there be a more important job? I mean my doctor looks like he's 12 and uses Wikipedia when I visit with my ailments, and my kid's teacher is a burned out drunk. My lawyer is an ambulance chaser and a speed freak. I'm sure your NGO is doing a bang up job delivering Value Village's tax deductible, bed-bug ridden, shit-stained shreds of Batman underwear to the Dark Continent and I guess they need someone to work Excel but here's what's important about Africa. Ethiopia, Liberia and Sudan are the only countries on that beleaguered rock never to have been colonized and they fucking paid for it man. But tough love is the only kind that lasts. So be tough my African friends and friends of friends. Love tough. You started this whole thing in the first place. Keep your feelings hard. Mussolini tried to build the Roman empire anew in Eritrea and his hardworking slaves made it one of the most beautiful places on earth. The jingle bells of Santa mixed with the Aladdin modes of the Camel Jockeys mixed with that sweet steel pan National anthem and a fine enduring architecture. Lovely. Colonialism? Horrible shit right? There are more black men in prison in the US than there were enslaved before the Civil war. (Oh, and break up with your boyfriend he's been cheating on you for months.) Nouméa is the capital city of the French "special collectivity" of New Caledonia which means soon it can sit at the big boys table at 1st Ave. & E 44th to vote on who gets to bomb Afghanistan next. I bet they just can't wait.

LEO (July 23 - August 22) Admit to White Crow, to yourself, and to another human being the exact nature of your wrongs.

The reason we didn't spend the weekend climbing the Great Wall of China is that members of the family have life threatening health issues so you know, we just sat around and talked and ate and watched a few movies. You know, family time. We must not be ashamed of the events of our complicated youths. I overheard this the other day: Adult 1: The first season is not meta at all but after the third season?! It's totally meta! Adult 2: Word, I totally marathoned the complete series. Now theres something to be ashamed of. It's meta-discussions like this, along with Romantic Comedy bus movies, (what could ever be funny about romance?), that make me want to kill myself and take you all with me. But I don't. I don't because I have too much love to give. And I'm busy living a life in service. Vladimir Arutyunian a 34 year old Armenian born Georgian threw a live hand grenade at George. Bush Jr. a few years ago but the darn thing didn't go off. I guess that's the thing about grenades. Theres just no way to really test them first. Anyhow, he got pinched and showed up in court with his mouth sewn shit (literally) and will now spend the rest of his life in prison. Whoah. You just can't go around doing this kind of shit man. Fuck man, a grenade?! Rodney Graham lobbing potatoes at a gong. What a wonderful stupidity! And if you, as Colin Fisher sadly admitted in last months issue of Offerings,  "don't believe in modalities of social, revolutionary, intellectual and spiritual practices", try these: volunteering, co-operation, reading, and community work. Gentle Jesus in the manger, it don't take much.

VIRGO (August 23 - September 21): Get ready to remove all these defects of character.

I never get invited to parties. I wouldn't go first of all, but anyway it's too much for people. Too much futurism and current affairs. I see souls as scripts. It's a rare form of Synesthesia. People just want to have a good time. They don't want me to tell them they have three days to live or their apartment is currently burning down or they should stop fooling around with their niece. I know this won't come as much of a surprise to you but I recently had a conversation with Linda, you know, at the bank, who after some prodding into my financial life finally admitted that, yes, if my financial situation does not change drastically it will be impossible for me to qualify for a mortgage and purchase a house in Toronto. "Impossible". Now I'm the sort of jackass that when people tell me something is impossible I either go back to bed or push harder. It's not like I'm bent on owning property. I'd just like to put up a shelf without the possibility of getting sued. Life is dangerous. I'd like to know I could put up a shelf or cut a whole in the wall to present PWYC puppet shows without the threat of litigation. Anyway, it's actually impossible. So fuck it. Fuck the hundreds of thousands of dollars we'll pay on your mortgage. We're here, we're poor, we're putting up shelves, we're putting on shows, blood from a stone, back to bed with dreams of empire.

LIBRA (September 22 - October 23): Humbly remove your shortcomings.

Thank your lucky stars! This month your stethoscope comes right from the Husymans mouth. Like girls who at the onset of puberty hanker after weird or disgusting dishes, he began to imagine and then to indulge in unnatural love-affairs and perverse pleasures. But this was too much for him. His over fatigued senses, as if satisfied that they had tasted every imaginable experience, sank into a state of lethargy; and impotence was not far off. I said to the bartender, I'm an alcoholic, and she nodded, gave me a bottle and some bills for the dancing girls. I took the money and looked back at her with coke still under my nose. This is lust, I said. She nodded again. Nary a more sympathetic nod have I seen. Silence is such a bold and moving move of the faders. John Cage ain't dead my little puss. Roll them dice. And before you hitch your wagon to that mentally-ill, drunk of a husband who found your wedding ring on the streets of Laredo, remember the immortal words of my mother-in-law. At least it's not boring dear. Yikes. Sage advice. Walking into traffic isn't boring either but I wouldn't recommend it. Either is there anything in existence more heterosexual as imagining John Oswald quietly enjoying the Beach Boys in the solitude of his rooms.

SCORPIO (October 24 - November 21): Make a list of all persons you have harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

Landmark birthdays take us to the theatre. Once there, we sit and watch $50 000.00 burned on the ultra-dramatization of a woman's struggle with her precarious mental health, (like that's not dramatic enough), ripped from journal entries, churned into a script, then a grant application, then a workshop after which contracts were signed, emails and faxes and diagrams and reference books were proliferated, experts were consulted and then the same four designers who work round the clock on Toronto's bizarrely celebrated pro-scene get down to lighting, sourcing reclaimed woods, clipping on mics for reverb sections, choreographing slapstick Bossa Nova movement drills underscored by lists of pharmaceuticals and their side effects. (Wow! Didn't see that one coming!) Then theres the thought of the admission fee (?!), the lovely perforated tickets someone had to print, contracts, computers, cab-fares, after-parties, glossy programs, actors lives, my time that I can't get back. They coulda' hired Brutus McKnight to read that shit next to a lamp and a tape deck for a hundred bucks and donated the other 49 thousand 900 dollars to the Florence Booth House. Everyone on this joint was a highly skilled Arts Worker. And so we witness a bad idea perfectly executed. What the fuck man. Deeply offensive shit man. I want my comp back. Schiller, Zola, Plato, Beckett, Shakespeare, Chekov, Stoppard and Pinter all doin' the Harlem Shuffle. 

SAGITTARIUS (November 22 - December 21): Make direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

I don't have time for it man. There is nothing there. Nothing going on. Smoking cigarettes. Friends of friends of friends of friends. Maybe. Rat-drifting for real. Get to know me. I'm great. I'm a great guy. A Great Guy. My face is painted by children, my back is sore from the schlep, my head hurts from bings of sonar signalling danger in the very near future. All I have to do is colour just outside the line and all is lost. I am not a child anymore. I am half way through this life if I'm lucky. I'm lucky. I got lucky hands. I put it all on number 5 - back to Hong Kong. Back to Chris Wright and Rick Lane. My people. My people. My people. My people humanize the workplace with their generous humanity. That's all it takes Bender, Greener, Shain & Wong, and you, the smug lush beaming down your nose at the speaker of the house. You got all the angles don't you motherfucker. Exercise your humanity. No need for a conference. No need for croissants and fruit kebabs, the quiche and the Starbucks.There is something wrong with us. Look at the music we listen to. We hate it and love it at the same time. We have crucified John Bach like we did his god. You paint with one brush. You read and write the same book over and over again. You're lost in your own neighbourhood. You don't know if what those cab's bumper stickers says it's true or even what it means. You can't get passed it. You belong here. Belonging. Can one belong somewhere? He belongs in jail. He belongs in L.A. - that's where the action is. Well, she bee-longs in a hospital. I can tell you one thing about this city where trees stand in the water. Nobody belongs here. Nooobody!!!

CAPRICORN (December 22 - January 19): Continue to take personal inventory and when you're wrong promptly admit it.

Even Dr. John Russon would agree with me that you won't find all your answers in a book. I love books, (the acoustic kind), but we have a tendency to give someone a book when they tell us about a problem they're having. Fibromyalgia? Oh, have you read The Myth of Fibromyalgia by so-an-so? And like that. It was recently announced by the Whitecoats that involving your kid in music as a young child does not, as was previously announced by the Whitecoats, positively influence IQ and nowhere was that more apparent at the Offerings office function I attended with it's lizard entertainment and melted cheese hor d'oeuvres. People with IQ's between 70 and 90 have higher crime rates than people with IQ's below or above this range. Stupid people make stupid choices. Bad things happen to good people. But why me? What did I do to deserve such a grotesque funeral-at-a-meth-lab, lizard and melted cheese party with no thought to lighting or vibraphone music or perhaps a balloon or two. And my IQ has gotta to be up there. I mean it's gotta be close to Alfred Einstein or at least Touchy Townshend or maybe even World President M. Bono U2. I dunno. I guess we're all doing the best we can right? Everyone is going the best they can right? Right? Even you motherfucker. You've changed your number but I know you can feel the heat comin' and you're too old and broke to make a move. I got you bitch. I got you for real. Run nigga'. I'll find you. 

AQUARIUS (January 20 - February 18): Seek through meditation to improve your conscious contact with the human spirit praying for that's good in it.

This is a music paper right? Really Offerings has no business dabbling in astrology but here we are so let me try my best to combine the two dark arts. Admiration is only healthy from afar. If you really admire someone, particularly a musician, do your best to not get close to them. Everything becomes less admirable below the surface. Keep your distance. Subscribe to Offerings and admire the anomalous subjects of this nowhere village in print alone. It is only sound. White Crow and Eric Chenaux formed an unconditional narcotic relationship under a banyan tree some years ago lips locked forever. This is an excerpt from a recent email I received from the Toronto ex-pat, phlegmatic surrealist, and marxist President's Choice heir sent from his Parisian pied-à-terre and used here without his permission: Often, when I am feeling certain feelings that make me feel like I talk to much I have a little practice of saying exactly 1/10 of what I would like to say. For every ten thoughts I say one. This has bled over into a few 1/10 practices. The one the most relevant to this email is the practice of writing someone when I have had the urge or desire 10 times. Of course, it is hard to determine between a real urge or desire and just a thought but, hey, that is part of the fun and games of subjectivity so I give myself a break and use that energy to do nothing at all…Cities as they are thought of do not exist…  they are perhaps phenomenal rather than noumenal. I live in my habits. Which don't seem to care where they are or what god forsaken language the inhabitants speak But, and perhaps out of some fidelity to surrealism, I don't get angry. This in turn, has infuriated many, so I can not say that I have made anger happen.…Fais chier la bite, which means "a tedious shitty thing". Practice the tedious shitty things of life with grace and simplicity Aquarius and mind your thoughts, habits and admirations. And get angry. It a natural reaction to the abuse that follows us.

PISCES (February 19 - March 20): Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, carry this message and practice these principles in all your affairs.

Dave McKee from the Canadian Peace Congress is calling for Canada to leave NATO thereby giving us a chance to not be dragged into pretend wars, (read: military actions, peace keeping, etc), where we help people by killing them and blowing up their shit. I'm into it but it's not gonna happen. It's a long term struggle he told me. Dave also works for the Communist Party of Canada which is a decent band but is also involved in a long term struggle. I had lunch with Cheri Di Novo the other day and she spoke about how the future of the NDP involves a decision to stop "preaching to the choir" and start going after Liberal and Tory votes. This was in response to me mentioning an article in The Walrus called What would Tommy Douglas Think? which basically points to the NDP leaving behind it's roots and cozying up to the centre in efforts to actually form a government. Well. What are we to do with idealism? What did it take for Jane Siberry, or whatever her name is these days, (who by the way claims all over the place that she lives as a nomad without any possessions save a small storage unit in Vancouver, oh! and that sweet place on Manitoulin), to take the cheque for licensing Calling All Angels to Mc Donalds in Australia? Well, it took money. Money and Idealism often come head to head and in the end it is rare that one even as saintly as Queen Sheeba or Issa or whatever-the-fuck, doesn't have a price. Do what you have to do folks. You're kid needs braces and we're all entitled to a measure of privacy that is quite quickly being stripped away by White Crow, Google Inc. and Homeland Security, but remember: It's never gonna be enough, you can't take it with you, and, in the words of skinny 1985 Ice T: All you really have is your family and your pride. Surely your pride requires a measure of truth to keep it's motor turning over. Vroom. Ain't no journey. Where did that Red Wagon go Jane? Damn, you went got ugly.

forgivemewhitecrow@gmail.com

ARIES  (March 21-April 19)

All we are ever trying to do is mimic the natural world with art and technology. There is no greater High Def than the North Star on a cloudless night above an unseated reserve. There is no drug or religion that can hold a candle to the ecstasy of childbirth or selfless love. There is no public pool multimedia installation that can beat out an old growth forest. Still we try. We live in the city. We divert our eyes because we have to. If we extended the same kindness to the assholes protesting abortion outside the Catholic High School (no judgement) as we did the bus driver who let's us climb aboard shy a buck, we'd be exhausted and we'd be hypocrites. And we are despite ourselves. All of us. It is in our nature. It is nature. The hypocrisy of beauty and chaos that nature presents is a popular staple - a punchline, a trope. Every anti-abortion placard should include directions to the nearest clinic. It would be more natural. It would be more kind. God does not want 13 year old insecure, plus-sized girls to bring to term orphan children conceived in the back of Dad's red Cavalier by three nameless dicks taking turns. He wants his daughters to become less insecure and to get in shape; to stay in school and get stronger by bolstering themselves against the cruelty of men through the development of their heart and skills. Then he wants them to move out of their parents house, file some tax returns and pop out something that might have a chance at this life. I had no idea this debate was still going on but it is. I seen it. Pro-Choice is Pro-Life. It stands for beauty over chaos. We all must strive to be Pro-Life and practice wisdom in the choices we make despite the thoughts of murder, suicide and rape that come and go as we mimic the natural world. If you are 13 years old and pregnant call 416.256.4139 and tell them White Crow sent you. Go with God.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20)

My good friend Jim is a retard. He knows it. Against all odds he works full time at being a father and a husband. Divorced family men often brag about being good fathers but lousy husbands. They are still bent at the knees lending an ear to every careless whisper they can make out from their sex in strict compliance. And being a good husband has nothing to do with being a good provider or a good father. Compartmentalize Taurus. Being a good husband requires brass balls. I asked my friend Steve (another good husband) what he does when he's really attracted to another women. I am really attracted to another women, he replied. That was it. That's it! Thoughts/feelings/actions. I don't care if you are a good husband. My point is that it is something to be. It is a very good thing to be. It's something to be proud of. It's a good job for my friend Jim. He's good at it. He's a good husband and theres nothing wrong with that. And you? What are you good at? Do that thing.

GEMINI (June 21-July 22)

In conversation with Henri Faberge we learn that local songwriter Laura Barrett is an intellectual activist. I had no idea. I guess since the whales are beached, the nukes, rain forests and tar sands are bought and paid for, and Mohimijhad has promised to venture into outer-space before obliterating Israel, there is nothing left but to take up the cause of the intellect. As an undereducated wastecase myself I Googled up the term which seems to have something to do with how we shape and define our history and culture and stuff like that. <Significantly, for African intellectuals the cultural counterpart to African Nationalism was not ethnic identity but a pan-African one: Negritude, or African personality> You find a lot of stuff that reads like that. Or here's an excerpt of an artist statement by the married dream team of Lewis & Taggart: the artists locate humorous and poignant visual conundrums that underscore the mysteries of travel - the ways in which our movement through the natural world influences our relationship to it. They find cool shit on the road, enjoy nature, and take the plane to Sudbury 'cuz it makes more $/X sense than the bus. Intellectual activism is not what we need right now. We need to get high school kids reading Bukowski instead of Shakespeare and the band playing Wu Tang instead of Sousa. The AGO and the ROM need better names and free admission. We need to get more libraries offering books, tools, musical instruments, art supplies, food, clothing, etc. - all free of charge for those of us who blow cops or wash dishes for a living. Who pays for it? The %1. Pay up greedy guts. Wait! Is that intellectual activism? I don't think so. I think it's common sense. Some of the more discerning First Nations peoples don't enjoy hanging with the Second and Third and Fourth Nations Peoples because their ears are attenuated toward only wisdom. Wisdom can usually be delivered without a truckload of manure to help it grow. Dumb OCAD kids.

CANCER (July 23-August 22)

When you get to my age you usually have acquired a couple of secrets worth keeping. After unpacking the lies and shame inherited by your family of origin you learn to open up. You open up and you're shut down and you open up again and get shut down again but in the process you get stronger. You learn boundaries. I think the world is for the most part sickened by the secrets we keep but then one day you wake up to realize it's not the whoring or the cheating or the gay in the bum stuff at the Eaton's Centre toilets but just a couple of things - worse things that you must live with. You can't regret them because that's not living. You live with these worse things and there they are. You won't even tell your therapist because that shit can be subpoenaed. You gotta keep on trucking, secrets in tow. With an open heart you lie yourself to sleep. Sleep tight. Don't let the bedbugs bite. Seriously, move out man. That shit is disgusting.

LEO (August 23-September 21)

My wife-partner and I were trying to figure out if there was a woman who had ever written a decent novel besides the one hit wonder Flannery O'Conner. Nope. Not one goddamned book. Why is that? If a women can do anything a man can do but better then why can they only produce one goddamned book? Can this simply be explained away by the the multi-generational oppression of women? I went to intellectual activist Laura Barrett for the answer and this is what she said: Women were not conceptualized as artists/thinkers/persons for such a long time, that their art was institutionally impossible. I believe humans are naturally creative, and it's through the cutting off of the creative drive, the narrowing of options, that we subjugate people into a kind of living brain-death. Also, it's impossible for me to summarize or even conjecture about the collective abilities of women when there's more intra-group variety (within the set of all women) than between women and men... so... I think that when we perceive or label some deficit in a population that has been systematically oppressed, we have no option but to see the oppression as the cause. It's not like we can go back in time and conduct a controlled experiment to see what, if any, might be another reason for this state of affairs, if the premise is even correct in the first place! What is a great novel? Great novels are those which have had time to make an impact on a larger number of people; of course women haven't written as many, nor have any other disenfranchised group. In other words, yes.

VIRGO (September 22-October 23)

If you like this publication and I think there is a lot to like about it, you might want to consider getting a subscription, volunteering, or finding someone to advertise in it. It is a colossal effort to get to Port Credit and sit down with Rik Emmett at a Second Cup for an half hour interview, (like that could ever happen). Just getting the thing out, even if it was eight blank pages of newsprint, requires some douche bag with a car and a day out of his life and cash and fuel so that YOU can have it for nothing. That's okay. That's the way we want it. But we need help. In order to keep the thing going the entire volunteer staff of Offerings have made the tough decision to become sex prostitutes. Why not get paid for it, etc. Each of us are now available for sex acts for money. This is not illegal. When you hire us that will be illegal. Anyway. Don't worry about it - The world's oldest profession, etc. Go ahead and email us at sexprostitutes@offerings.com. Straight up, I'm the Millennium Falcon. I may not look like much but I've still got it where it counts. This desperate situation is a sign of the times. In Latvia, high school students are encouraged with government grants to pursue studies that will meet the demands of the labour market. You can still take a mindless BA if you want to but you'll have to pay for that shit. Much like the rest of the world Latvia has enough bohemian 25 years olds sending out unanswered cover letters from their parents basements thank you very, very much. Ever notice all those people outside the cafe window working? Learn a trade. Really. Please God, learn a trade.

LIBRA (September 22-October 23)

One makes mistakes when gripped with mental illness and addiction. Some wounds can be healed. Some lay open forever. The expression of horror never leaves the face of the victim of your raging. You can't always make amends. Sometimes it's best to not even try as to risk shoving the knife in harder. Plus these days days you can get cuffed up for just about anything. Everyday be grateful that you have kept a lid on your anger. 

SCORPIO (October 24-November 21)

I just love lists! Don't you?! Here's a partial alliterational (made that word up) list of something called Snools from lusty lady Mary Daly. This lapsed Catholic Feminist Philosopher makes Valerie Solanis look like the calm voice of reason: 

shams sneaks sniffers snitches snookers snoops snot-boys snudges snuffers studs

Which one are you Scorpio? Better figure it out. Mind your avarice! Also, mind your own business dude. You don't know me. You just think you know me. I'm White Crow. This is ain't no commercial shit! 

SAGITARIUS (November 22-December 21)

It's bad enough to actually claim you know anything at all but then to claim you know so much about so many things and then call yourself something that indicates the amount of stuff you know, well that's just plain ridiculous. I'm not saying your a moron. Clearly you can apply yourself and posses intelligence and discipline. You seem to know many things that could possibly be true. So what? What you should be doing is taking a good hard look at yourself. I mean you could stop jerking off in front of the mirror. You could stop doing that maybe. It just seems a little

anti-Socratic to be cumming in the mirror between banging out chapters of essays on the pain of privilege.

CAPRICORN (December 22-January 19)

I dreamt last night that my mouth was full of worms. I usually dream that I live on a sailing ship but last night worms. I'm reminded of the well-known adage my mother repeated to me in my sonic youth (latest gossip: Thurston Moore has hooked up with Katie Holmes!).There are three things that should not be missed the sped arrow, the spoken word, and the lost opportunity. She left out the past life. She doesn't believe in it I don't think. Church of England you know. Buddhism is a good place for high achievers. If you can't get your novel published theres always next time. Anyway, in the dream I'm at a party in the country with a mouth full of worms and I'm trying to be polite because the worms came from an old thermos of coffee I was handed by my host. I acted as if the mouthful of worms was no big deal, like it happens all the time. Well, it does happen all the time! An acquaintance of mine once advised me to think about what I was about to say five times before deciding whether or not to say it aloud. Five times creates a lot of awkward dead air but some of us need that many kicks at the can to keep our mouths from filling with worms.

AQUARIUS (January 20-February 18)

Remember hot waterbeds? You should. You're in one right now. If you're self-employed you spend a lot of time looking for work and chasing after money. Working a straight job allows you to pass those responsibilities on to someone else so you can just do your work and go home. Fascinating eh? I figured that out all by myself. So if time is money and money is power, and power is energy, and energy is the only thing that exists, and you've only got one life to live than spend your time in service. A life in service. Who and what will you serve? Decide today in a sweeping general sense and then just try to make some money to keep the phone on and the Sheriff off. The hard part of life is choosing to live. It's all uphill from there.

PISCES (February 19-March 20)

Oh man. You use people. You use people. You use people. Stop using people. Stop using people. Start helping people. Who are you're people? Think long and hard about that. Long and hard. The majority of white people I know who are intimately involved with the Yoga lifestyle are curiously those who need it the most. They are the ones who struggle terribly with attachment, desire, selfishness, pride, greed, entitlement, regret and bitterness, so they shave their heads, or act out, or assume the position of the wounded healer. Any kind of extreme behaviour is a marked aspect of psychopathology. I should know. Downward dog indeed.

Keep those letters coming: forgivewhitecrow@gmail.com